see things for what they are not what you want them to be
Don't break yourself confronting your own expectations. The square peg won't fit any better into a round hole past thinking the hole should exist square or wanting the peg to be round. Outset know what you lot've got. Seeing things the fashion they are, isn't limiting, it's enabling. When you know how things are, you tin can deal with them more effectively and find a way forward. When you ignore the way things are, you create crossed-expectations, for yourself and others. The simplest fashion to miss how things are is to project the fashion things should be or the way y'all want things to be, on to the situation.
Key Take Aways
Here are some cardinal take aways:
- The Way Things Are. Know the way things are. This means knowing the facts, knowing what people are actually maxim and doing, knowing what the current state of affairs is setup for, and knowing the writing on the wall.
- The Style Things Should Be. Know the way things should be. This means asking yourself, "what'southward the right affair for this situation, or how should things be?"
- The Manner You lot Want Things to Be. Know how you want things to be. Ask yourself, "how do you want things to be?" Bank check yourself, if things were the fashion you want them to be, what would people exist maxim and doing, what would the situation wait like if was already true? The grass isn't ever greener.
The real power here is your ability to utilize these dissimilar lenses to analyze your state of affairs. At any given bespeak in time, nosotros're usually mashing up these different viewpoints. Employ these viewpoints to get clarity and to figure out whether to modify yourself, modify the state of affairs, or selection a different battle.
The Fashion Things Are
One of the toughest things to do is see things the style they are. Why? We can fool ourselves. We see what we want to see, or nosotros hear what we want to hear. We project our opinions, guesses or wants onto what we meet and hear. We see a yawn, but are they bored or tired? We see a smile, but do they like united states or are they just polite? In my experience, actions speak louder than words, only our interpretation can go far the way.
Reality Checks
The key is to kickoff know what you're actually getting. This means, being in the moment and paying attention. Start with, "what did you lot encounter, what did yous hear?" This is your factual input. It helps you lot bank check your thinking. For case, did anybody actually *say* they similar your idea?
Reality checks are your friend. For example, if y'all're in charge of sweeping the parking lot, do you lot expect to brand more than the person who runs the business? While exceptions happen, you want to check your thinking against what's the most *probable* explanation for the situation. In other words, what results is the electric current situation setup for?
The Writing on the Wall
What's the writing on the wall? This can be specially tough if it conflicts with what yous want or what you think things should be. You hear what they say, just what do they really hateful? What's your gut say? What does the group really desire? What does the current state of affairs actually support? This helps y'all balance out what you see and what you hear with your more intuitive side. Utilize your facts to check your intuition, and your intuition to check your facts.
The Fashion Things Should Be
One of the all-time ways to frustrate yourself or distort a situation is to go hung upwards on the fashion things should be. They *should* like your thought, or this *should* just work, or people *should* watch where they are going. Well, maybe they *should* like your idea, merely practise yourself a favor and showtime acknowledge that they don't. If you lot know the resistance, you take a starting point. A self-bank check is, do you know *why* they don't like your idea?
It's really a good thing to know the way things should be. In fact, ask yourself, "what'due south the right things for this state of affairs?" The primal is, don't mix that with the way things are. Go on your lenses separate so you don't frustrate yourself with crossed-expectations.
The Way You Desire Things to Be
It's really easy to overlay your wants for a unlike world onto the electric current situation. This is one of the easiest ways to miss what's right in front of you, and not know the feedback that you're really getting. It'south also one of the easiest ways to frustrate yourself, again with crossed-expectations. The key here is to ask yourself, "what do yous want things to be?" Keep this separate and distinct from the way things are and the way things should be. Get clarity on what you actually want. The self-bank check is to side by side get clarity on what this vision of how you desire things to exist, would really look like. The really hard function is to identify what people would be saying or doing, and how the situation would be structured to brand it happen. It's often easier to focus on how yous don't want things to exist, then get real clarity on how y'all desire them to be, beyond a fuzzy level.
The Power of Your Lenses
Rather than a mash upwardly of how things are, the manner things should exist, and the way y'all want things to be, yous can use each lens for better clarity. What is your current state of affairs? Are there any real threats or are you making stuff upwards? How should things be? What is the correct thing to do? Lastly, how exercise yous desire things to be? If a genie were to grant yous iii wishes, do y'all know what to wish for to make it happen? Would you actually want what you got? You lot can utilise these lenses to examination your thinking, and yous can exam your lenses by asking questions, taking actions, and testing your results.
Remember that if you don't know what you're looking for, you're not going to run across it, and that information technology's not just what you see, but how yous meet it.
Photo past kthypryn .
Source: https://sourcesofinsight.com/the-way-things-are-the-way-things-should-be-and-the-way-you-want-things-to-be/
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